Poll Results: Porno Beats Lube As Top Prop

It has come to my attention that Brooklyn Jack has managed to win a few female fans (via MyJournal.com). Welcome, ladies -- kick off your shoes, grab a chair, and marvel at how scarily fetishistic men can be about those few inches of flesh that hang between their legs. (We do tend to revert to a primitive mammalian state once we really get going on our cocks, but we're still lovable, and we can open jars.) And be sure to tell your man about the site -- betcha a shiny new nickel he's thought about the circle-jerk thing before, whether he admits it or not!

Anyway, continuing my quest to collect hard empirical data on the Science of Onanism, here are the results from the ''J/O Accessories'' poll. It appears that just over 100 readers voted, and the most popular tools that respondents used to get their dicks really fuckin' hard were video porn and dirty pictures -- presumably photos from the inexhaustible pornucopia that is the Web. The big surprise, for me, was how low poppers scored. I mean, sure, they're probably not good for ya, but man oh man do they have a way of pushing you into that goon state where the only things that exist are you and your penis. Your erect, thick, throbbing, hairy, masculine penis, the fucking center of your manhood, the big stiff dick begging for your hand to masturbate it -- Sorry, where was I?

Oh, yeah. I thought it was particularly cool that 50 of you shared my fondness for stroking in front of a full-length mirror, or with a camcorder hooked up to a TV -- isn't it fucking hot to watch yourself masturbate, sometimes? I actually made my first "self porn" movie with my dad's camcorder back when I was 16; by the time I'd finished college, I'd filled up several tapes with j/o sessions, and I used to watch them over and over, playing back my voluminous teenage cumshots frame-by-frame, counting the spurts, and eagerly jacking off to the imagery of my own fucking erection shooting out all that creamy white semen. I still have those tapes, and every once in a while I'll pop one into the VCR and watch a younger version of myself eagerly stroking away at the meat -- it's like a masturbation time machine! [Yep, that's me; I remember shooting that particular session on the couch, with the sunglasses, the summer after my junior year of college...]