Pornoglossolalia

Glossolalia is the technical term for what the Pentacostal Christian tradition calls ''praying in tongues'' -- strings of meaningless and syntactically random vocalizations that sound, to the layman's ear, uncannily like an actual foreign language. (This sort of ''divine babbling'' is described in many mystical religious traditions apart from born-again Christianity. Whether one chooses to regard it as the reaction of a mind overwhelmed by the real presence of an external spiritual force, or as the product of the brain's own language center firing randomly, linguistic analysis supports the conclusion that the sounds are, indeed, babble, lacking the patterns of authentic language.)

Having explained that, I'd like to propose ''pornoglossolalia'' as the term for the sort of verbalization that many serious, capital-M Masturbators get into. As I typed a little while ago in response to a post on the Chronic Penis Masturbators Yahoo group:

> I adore masturbation and sex-talk with other
> bater-addicted guys like me. A man's penis is
> GOD! I will finish off the weekend tonight having
> my eighth orgasm in worship of male genitalia,
> and the hyper-masculine dudes I lust for....

I know exactly what you're talking about, dude... I
fucking love to look at pics of other adult males
showing off their hairy naked bodies, their erect
penises, their thick white semen...I love the fact
that my own penis gets so hard and begs to be
masturbated when I look at and think about
other males. I feel so lucky to be a man who
knows that the highest expression of my
masculinity is to share my stiff hairy man dong
and the hot sperm from my nuts with other
masculine dudes....

My penis is fully erect now and slick with
Albolene as I type this.

HAIL THE FUCKING PHALLUS! HAIL
MASCULINITY! HAIL MEN WHO LOVE PENIS!
MASTURBATE YOUR FUCKING ERECTIONS, BROTHERS!

Obviously, the above is not semantically and syntactically empty; the meaning comes through loud and clear. ''Pornologorrhea'' would be a more accurate coinage ("logorrhea'' literally means ''a flow of words''), but it sounds a bit too much like something you'd mop up in a sickroom. And I like the allusion to religious experience, because although I'm about as hardcore an atheist as you'll find, when I'm really gooning on my fucking dick, I can almost believe that I've been touched by a fiery tongue from heaven.

I hope that doesn't offend anyone; despite my non-belief, I dislike gratuitous blasphemy, especially when it's aggressive and rude. But I make no apologies for my irreverence; I doubt there's a God at all, but if there is one, I am absolutely certain that the architect of fifty billion galaxies has weightier matters to worry about than whether one of the extra-bright talking monkeys that He installed on planet Earth is chattering idolatrous praise to its own phallus. (In fact, I can only imagine that a being of God's alleged super-duper omnipotent magnificence, looking upon the obsessive, ecstatic penis worship in which we human males find such joy, would be inclined to think not "Thou shalt have [SFX: Ker-lightning!!!] NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME,'' but more likely ''Oh, aren't they cute!'')

And while we're speaking of things sacred, I highly recommend this essay, which will likely do a far better job than I ever could of convincing you that it's important to have myths and mythic heroes in your intellectual life, which need not mean that you have a belief in the myth's literal truth.

UPDATE: On second thought, batespeak, suggested by another CPM participant, has the advantage of being more self-explanatory -- I think that's the word that'll go in the Glossary, with my own humble effort ''pornoglossolalia'' as a high-falutin' synonym.