HOT DAMN AND HALLELUJAH

MY

MOJO

IS

BACK!

I don't know where to start. Well, let me start by thanking all the guys who have sent encouraging words -- not to mention some hot photos of their beautiful dicks in fully erect drilling-for-diamonds glory. I will be posting those over the next couple of days as I sort through the saved messages in my Inbox.

I'd also like to make a special shout-out to my buddy AC in New York. He's royally pissed at me now, with good reason, but I hope he'll forgive me because I owe him a lot and he was instrumental in helping me to -- slowly -- emerge from the depressed funk I was in. His magical cure was to lend me some really stellar porn. That may not seem like much, but he knew just what I wanted to see.

These were vintage titles by a director named Joe Gage, and if you're seriously into masturbation, I urge you to fire up Google and find a place to buy Closed Set and HANDsome online. (I made VHS copies before sending the movies back to my buddy, but both titles are at the top of my list of DVDs to buy -- they're that good.)

Now, when gay men start getting nostalgic about '70s porn, you can usually count on hearing references to condomless fucking -- "Man, movies were so much hotter back when they didn't have to use rubbers!" I don't understand that kind of nostalgia, because when I see bareback anal sex in old porn, I cannot avoid thinking "Most of those really hot men died of AIDS years ago."

But these movies were really something different -- because the focus is purely on men masturbating in groups, and the director and his cast clearly understood the mindset that distinguishes a tepid little circle jerk from a SCORCHING HOT MASTURBATION ORGY. (I should mention that there was some brief fucking in Closed Set, and plenty of dick slurping in both movies, but let there be no doubt -- non-stop, frenzied mutual male masturbation was THE central theme.)

If I had to pick one favorite scene, it would be a sequence in the middle of HANDsome. "Imagine a bunch of guys jacking off together in a dirty movie theater," says the voiceover -- the movie brilliantly uses the framing device of phone-bate fantasies to set up and comment on the action. We see a trucker and a businessman sitting side-by-side in theater seats -- the businessman looking neat, professional, and just slightly Satanic with his suit and short-trimmed beard, the trucker with a baseball cap and a shirt that's unbuttoned to show a hairy, hairy chest.

Cut to the movie that they're watching -- it's set in a lockerroom shower with a trough urinal, so we get to see some "lite watersports." No abusive tops squirting urine all over a toilet-pig-slave or anything like that; just a literal pissing contest with a row of men standing shoulder-to-shoulder and aiming their semi-erect cocks to see who can make the most impressive piss arc. It's very playful, very masculine, and very exciting to watch.

Cut back to the flickering darkness of the theater, where the businessman takes a hit of poppers before masturbating the trucker's thick meat. Other men in the theater are unzipping and easing their rigid dicks out to be 'bated as they stare mesmerized at the onscreen action, which has now segued into a soapy group jerk-off under the showers. We see a big wet hard cock getting pumped by another man's hand with the steaming white tiles in the background. A handsome blond guy with a mustache drops to his knees -- not to get "face fucked" but to masturbate his bud's erect penis with his lips and tongue.

"Sometimes you really get into the picture," says the phone-bate voiceover, and then things go completely nuts as the guys in the porno theater start interacting with the guys in the porn film, like some all-male, all-nude, all-cock version of the '40s/'80s musical number in Xanadu.

♪♫♭Forget about the rules tonight!
Sweet! Thing!
I wanna dance with you
Till the sun comes creepin' through...
I wanna dance with you
I won't stop pleasin' you... ♪♫♭

No joke, I was humming that song while edging my fuckin' cock the first time I watched that scene. Anyway, once the two "worlds" merge -- the theater and the porn film -- the tempo of the soundtrack picks up and gets more and more frantic as all these pumped erections start to spew semen. Cock after cock erupts with juicy spurts of cum... onto hairy bellies or thighs, all over a buddy's fist, or into a man's hungry mouth that is gaping between the masturbator's legs like a baby bird in a nest... FEED ME! NOURISH ME WITH THAT WARM, LIVING SPERM FROM YOUR DICK!!

Do yourself a favor and buy these movies, masturbator. They will blow your mind, I promise. They got me out of my depression and into the mood to host a J/O party at my place this past Saturday.