Saturday night, live

Should I go out to the local watering hole to see if I can find my fellow UVa alum, who teaches writing at a local college and dresses (at least in the evenings) like a trucker, and who came back to my place a couple weekends ago for some explosively satisfying cock-to-cock sex? Geez, I'm kicking myself now for not exchanging phone numbers afterwards -- I didn't want to seem all, you know, stalky. I know I'll run into him at the bar again, eventually, but man, would it be nice to feel his stiff, throbbing bear dick smacking against my chest again, right now.

Oh, well. In the meantime, I've got my imagination and the reliable fellas at Chronic Penis Masturbators to keep me going. Here's what I posted to that group a little while ago:

You said it, dude! I fucking love to be a MAN with an ERECT PENIS that I can MASTURBATE whenever I want to give myself total pleasure. I love getting naked and checking out my hairy chest and legs in the mirror while I stroke my fucking DICK, getting turned on by my own hot masculine body, and especially by my thick, rigid COCK and HAIRY NUTS full of SEMEN that I'm gonna shoot all over my fucking chest after hours of edging and getting totally GOONED on my own MANHOOD. Attaching a couple pics that I took literally ten minutes ago as I was reading CPM email... as you can see, I get really fucking horny knowing other dudes like me are masturbating, worshipping their COCKS, worshipping pics of their buddies' COCKS, worshipping the whole beautiful idea of MEN PROUDLY DISPLAYING ERECT COCK FOR THE MASTURBATORY PLEASURE OF THEIR FELLOW MALES, just like I am.

HAIL PRIAPUS!

And here's what my dick looks like right now.

''I get off on the thought of other guys looking at my big cock and jacking off... ''

...says a reader from Cleveland. No, wait -- I'm not sure if he's in Cleveland now, but he went to a Catholic university in Cleveland, where he apparently had some interesting encounters that he might share if you guys give him the right encouragement. He's got a great-looking slab of tubesteak on him, too, so check out his letter in the mailbag.

''The Phallos Must Be Seen''

Some of the letters I get from readers just make my want to whip my dick out and start masturbating. Letters like this one, for instance:

I came across your site a couple of days ago. I have spent my spare time reading and jacking. I wanted to let you know what a great site you have. I have forwarded it to a few of my buds. I have read about 1/10 of site and plan to spend the weekend reading and jacking with the rest. Sending a pic to show the results of about one hour of reading.

Thanks for the picture, buddy; I still haven't quite gotten my mind around the whole Prince Albert concept yet -- I mean, ouch -- but that stiff dick looks hot anyway, and you can bet that the sight of your hot sperm glistening on that hairy torso is going to make a lot of my readers very happy.

Other letters, though, hit me on a more intellectual level, which is just as gratifying, because these letters confirm that I'm not alone in my feelings about the relationship between penis worship and a personal sense of one's own masculinity. Here's a great example from a guy who claims he's ''not a writer'' -- I think he has a gift for vivid description, though:

Dear Jack,
I recently stumbled upon your Brooklyn Jack site through a link on Clubstrokes BBS. First,I really enjoy your writing! To find great sentences wrapped around my absolute favorite topic is very exciting. I think there aren't that many true masturbators in the world and amongst them even fewer good writers.
I am not a writer; I am an excellent masturbator though. Earlier today I was reading a paragraph of yours-- you were describing walking your dog, and thinking about masturbating, going on to describe how most men would be fantasizing about something as a prelude to masturbation,and that you were thinking about the act itself. This has always been true for me. My boner gives me a boner. Nothing Beats Beating Off. Men strokin' together is the best.

Buddy, I have been trying to come up with a good glossary definition for Masturbator -- i.e., the distinctive sub-species of the human male that can be contrasted to the bland majority of guys who merely like to jack off. I'm thinking that ''my boner gives me a boner'' is definitely a crucial part of the definition. Porn is a lot of fun, of course, but a real Masturbator is utterly awed by the magnificence of his own erect penis, and can push himself to new heights of ecstasy simply by reflecting on how wonderful it is to be a male, to see such a splendid shaft, beautiful, hard, and strong, emerging from his own hairy groin -- the penis that will reward you with the bliss of orgasm and the hot gift of male seed if you stroke it just right. The guy continues:

When I was 14, 15, 16, I managed to instigate many circle jerks with four other guys in my neighborhood in the woods behind our neighborhood. It was great.It all happened too fast. Our fists stroked our teenage hard-ons in swift frenzy. I think we were racing to see who could shoot first.

Damn... when I was in junior high school, I made several concerted efforts to start a circle jerk with some friends of mine who were also fellow members of Boy Scout Troop 104, which was chartered at the Kadena U.S. Air Force Base in Okinawa, Japan. Now, you might think: horny pubescent boys, campouts -- how could a circle jerk not happen? But plainly I just wasn't ballsy enough, or maybe my friends' mothers dosed their Cap'n Crunch® with saltpeter, because I tried steering the conversation towards masturbation on a number of occasions; I tried freakin' Truth or Dare and got all the way to actually flashing our willies at each other, I even sat around with these guys looking at stolen Hustler magazines (which had ''couples'' photo spreads with porn actresses just about to take a man's dong in their mouths) in this fort we made under the massive bough of a banyan tree, and still nothing ever happened, dammit! Anyway, back to the letter, and we're coming up on my favorite part:

The original concept of the N Y Jacks was that the human erection was too beautiful to hide in any orifice. The best circle jerk I ever participated in was New Years Eve 1999 at the N Y Jacks. There were considerably fewer guys there that night than usual. The room was much brighter. There were serious mastubators there. Guys who were really into strokin' their erections, watching other men masturbate, and being watched. It was amazing. It was so beautiful. It was different than most nights at the Jacks, in that there weren't any guys standing around cruising, judging, waiting to hook up with an appropriate partner. They came to celebrate Hard Penis. I once read "Phallos must be seen" in a small book entitled, what else, Phallos.

Wow. That first sentence bears repeating: The original concept of the N Y Jacks was that the human erection was too beautiful to hide in any orifice. I didn't become sexually active until the early '90s, and when I first heard the term ''J/O club,'' my assumption was that such, uh, institutions had come into existence as a response to AIDS. Of course, as I've gotten older and more experienced, I've come to see the inherent safeness of mutual masturbation as a side benefit -- my primary reason for making mutual masturbation and frot my overwhelmingly preferred forms of male/male sex is that I find these activities mindblowingly hot. So I find a satisfaction in knowing that NYJacks was started not chiefly with the goal of being ''anti-disease,'' but rather ''pro-PENIS.'' I do know what you mean when say that a typical night at NYJacks involves a lot of ''standing around, cruising, and judging.'' And I'm not surprised that the atmosphere was vastly better when only serious Masturbators were present. When every man there was completely focused on the Ritual -- and it is a Ritual -- of reciprocal penis display and worship.

Having a good Friday?

I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to come up with a funny dick-themed headline appropriate for the kickoff of Easter weekend -- ''Goon Friday''? ''Wood Friday''? -- but my brain's wordplay lobe just isn't working today, which is just as well, because I've long advocated a strict separation of Church and Bate [Oh, there's one after all. --Ed.]. Regardless of whatever creed we adhere to in our daily lives, here in the sanctum of Brooklyn Jack our worship is dedicated entirely to Priapus -- the hard, thick, throbbing Embodiment of Manhood that rises from between our legs and commands us to anoint His Head with oil, to caress His Powerful Rigidity, to gaze adoringly upon His Primal Beauty. The deity that makes eager slaves of men, who will do anything for the pleasure of the Penis because of the endless pleasures He gives us in return.

Ah, speaking of the penis's primal beauty, here's a magnificent example from a reader -- fuck, I'm getting an erection as I type this, as I imagine reaching over to wrap my hand around that massive dong, and realizing that I didn't have to push his hand away first in order to get a good grip on the shaft. The guy writes,

I'm completely in line with you when I read your comments on erect cocks being stroked with other erect cocks...the whole man-to-man, cock-to-cock idea is a huge turn on for me and it's great to find someone else who feels the same way. I have a hairy chest and agree with you that a hairy chest and bush adds to the manliness of the two cocks scenario

You said it, dude... there is no act that makes me more aware of my own masculinity than to embrace another naked man with our two erect cocks throbbing together -- hard for each other, and hard because of each other.

UPDATE: The owner of the penis linked to above sends a follow-up:

^{I'm the one who sent you the pic that you called a "magnificent example" and I had to write to tell you that the concept of you or any other guys getting erect while looking at the pic of my cock is a huge turn on for me. I've been jacking to pics of cocks for years, stroking my thick penis while studying other men's erect penises, their pubic hairs, their testicles, their body hair patterns and everything else about a man that makes my penis hard. So I really enjoy knowing that another man might be doing the same thing while staring at my penis. It completes the cycle of me getting erect from staring at another erect penis and so forth. I'm erect writing to you about it!}

WOOF!

So much for the spring that I was rhapsodizing about a few days ago; after several glorious days, New Yorkers woke up today to overcast skies and a chill wind. They even turned on the freakin' steam heat in my building -- and the burly UPS delivery guy, who's been a featured player in my porno-cliché fantasies...

_{(''Let me just set this inside... okay, here's your pen back. Hey, why don't you come in for a few minutes and have a beer, man?.'' [SFX: Hit the ''demo'' button on any Casio keyboard] ''Say, I'll bet your back must get sore from hefting all those packages around...'')}

...was in long pants when he dropped off a box addressed to my roommate today, dammit.

Fortunately, a reader came through, and got me plenty warm this morning -- when I checked my email to find... oh sweet Krishna... th-th-THIS! In the eloquent phrasing of Christopher Walken's ''The Continental'' character from Saturday Night Live:

Wwwwow. Oh wowee-wow-wow.

Goddamn, man, even my literary powers may not be up to the task of conveying the transcendental joy with which I would attach my fucking slobbery mouth to that hairy mesomorphic torso and just lick, lick, lick you from nips to navel while I masturbated that beautiful hard dong.

More mail

This one is actually from last week; sometimes things go unnoticed at first among all the stuff that accumulates in my Inbox:

That Sunday, April 6th, entry. It was a test, right? That dude ''jacking off to male porn" -- he was beating off to a huge screenful of YOU, no? The answer's yes? Oh, man. Wha'd I win? Please say it's a close-up pic.

Here ya go, eagle-eye. That was indeed a video-trade bud of mine from a few years back, who was kind enough to share some JPEGs of himself enjoying my tape.

UPDATE: And thank you for the nice donation in my tip cup, man -- that brings the total to $105 collected so far. And the gummint ain't getting a dime!

Consumer news update: Readers weigh in

The post about my experience with the masturbation sleeve has garnered a couple of responses that sent my blood rushing groinward. One guy reminisces about finding a novel application for those "Naturalamb" condoms:

Your plans for the silicone sleeve remind me of my first C2C, years ago. I had a few skin condoms (i.e., sheep intestines rather than rubber) left over from my married days. The bad thing about them was that they pass viruses. The good thing was that they stretched more than rubber. So, at his suggestion, we stuffed both boners up the open end. It held our two shafts together firmly, forcing our "sweet spots" together. It was a blast - literally! I don't think I lasted more than 60 seconds! I was hooked. So I hope the same for you, but without the premature ejaculation, of course.

Hot damn, so those sheepgut condoms have an application in man-to-man sex after all! I guess that's another item on my list of things to try. And kudos to that buddy of yesteryear for introducing you to the sublime pleasures of rubbing two hard dicks directly together -- those anti-homo chuckleheads who sputter ''But the parts don't fit'' [A proposition known in formal logic as the Argumentum ad Plumberam. -- Ed.] have NO freakin' idea.

Another reader, noting that I found the sleeve to be somewhat lackluster as a solo masturbation device, emailed me to rave about a different sleeve design that he bought recently, and was considerate enough to include some photographs illustrating the unit (and his unit) in action. He explains:

It's not quite long enough for two, but it's GREAT by myself. Sometimes I like to go hands free and shove it between the couch cushions and PUMP PUMP PUMP!!!

Word-of-the-day

One of the hottest things about masturbating with another man is the mental ''feedback loop'' that naturally develops. No, I take that back -- it's not merely one of the hottest things; it's the very key to the ecstatic pleasure that buddy j/o offers. If you're not clear on what I mean by ''feedback loop,'' here's what I'm talking about: It turns me on to see your penis, and thus my penis becomes erect; in turn, you are excited by my erection, and your own dong gets stiff; I see your throbbing meat and become more visibly excited myself, which in turn boosts your horniness, and so on. And this feedback can operate on multiple levels -- for not only is it exciting to see another male's erect penis, but it's also exciting to display your cock to him. So, I get turned on by showing another man that I have a woody from looking at his dick, and he gets turned on by (a) the sight of my woody, and (b) the knowledge that his own manly body is contributing to my erection, and (c) the fact that he is displaying his own dong to me.

Anyway, I was trying to think of a snappier name for this phenomenon than ''feedback loop,'' so that I could add it to the Glossary, but I haven't really come up with anything. However, I think I have the perfect symbol for ''your horniness feeds my horniness feeds your horniness'' -- what the ancient Greeks called the Ouroboros, the image of a snake swallowing its own tail...

Mail's in!

Just added another great letter to the Mailbag from a penis-addicted Texan who sent along a photo of one mighty fine hard-on. Once again, I encourage readers to leave some feedback for these guys on the Yahoo board -- you know they'll love hearing from other men who were inspired to pull out their erect cocks and masturbate while reading the letters and gazing lustfully at the pictures. (Plus, this latest guy is contemplating a Prince Albert, so if anyone has personal experience in that area and wants to offer any Pros and Cons, I'm sure he'd be appreciative...)

Happy Monday, men! If you're reading this on the sly at the office, drop a note in the comments link below or on the Yahoo group -- let me and your fellow Brooklyn Jack members know how hard your penis is throbbing in your pants as you read the site and check out the pics of horny males like yourself showing off their boned-up dicks. Maybe you're giving that stiff dong a squeeze or two under the desk, leaking some precum into your shorts, and trying to decide whether you should sneak off to the men's room so that you can ease that aching erection out of your fly and give it a few good strokes...

Also, if you're just joining us here, be sure to cast your vote in the Semi-Public J/O survey, as I'll be closing that poll and putting up a new question in the next day or so.

More meat from readers

If you haven't signed on to the Brooklyn Jack Yahoo group, here's a motivator: The guy who sent me the photo of his manhood saluting a JPEG of my manhood has uploaded a bunch of mutual-masturbation pics, but you have to be a member of the group to get into the folder. My favorite of the bunch is this one -- I just love the look of exertion on the one dude's face as he masturbates his buddy.

Meanwhile, other guys have heard my command to show me your fuckin' hard-on, and obeyed. Handsome is an adjective I often apply to men, but less often to men's penises; this one qualifies, I think. Another guy, writing from Virginia, has a truly formidable cock that's ''just waiting for a bud's fist to wrap around it.'' I can promise you that I'm not the only guy who'd love to stroke that huge fucking dong, man. And hey, the first-timer has been playing around with his webcam, I see; told you guys he had a nice dick, didn't I? If Brooklyn Jack readers ask nicely enough, perhaps he'll give me permission to reveal his AOL Instant Message handle, but that's up to him...

Consumer report

Went on a whirlwind tour of various adult video stores and leather shops in the West Village yesterday, on a quest to buy a silicone sheath of the kind I described in my non-fiction story ''The Buddy Sleeve''. Finally found the exact make and model in one of the adult-novelty shops that's nestled among the row of tattoo parlors by the West 4th St. subway station on Sixth Avenue. In case you're inclined to pick one up for your own use, the package looked like this and the price tag was $17.95 -- somewhat pricey, I thought, but with memories of that afternoon with my buddy going through my mind and quickening my breath as I stood there among the flavored lubes, ball stretchers, and vibrating clit wands, I had no trouble plunking down the cash.

Went out last night with some friends, got home feeling tired and reeking of the demon gin, so I didn't get around to trying out the sleeve until this afternoon. Out of the package, the thing looks like a cross between a jellyfish and a sea cucumber: it's a transparent cylinder of thick, soft silicon rubber, five-and-a-half inches long and lined with little nubbins that are obviously meant to produce a tickling sensation. (But it's easily everted in case you want a completely smooth sheath to slide your dick into.)

Li'l Brooklyn Jack was thrilled and rarin' to go as I got the sleeve out of its package. The soft silicone rubber produces plenty of friction against the skin, so I had to apply some Albolene before I could begin to ease myself into the sheath. Once my penis was adequately lubed, the sleeve went on easily; since it's open at both ends, you can just slide the thing down your erect shaft until the glans pokes out.

I jacked off for a while with the sleeve, and here's my honest review -- while I thought it was pretty fucking hot to see my rigid dick encased in the clear rubber tube, and especially the way I could see the material stretching over my cockhead, it didn't do much for me as a solo masturbation toy. Whether I put it on with all the little knobbies inside or outside, the inert material just doesn't feel as nice as the warm skin of my palm. [That's the closest I'm gonna come to a ''palm Sunday'' joke in this post, I swear. --Ed.] But that's okay, because from experience, I know that this product's real, albeit unadvertised, function is for double-jacking two dicks when you and a buddy are in the mood for some C2C fun. The rubber is stretchy enough to accommodate two fully erect adult penises, and the material's elasticity really keeps the two shafts in full contact. (You and your bud can enter from opposite ends, or put your erections together while sitting face-to-face and then stretch the sleeve down over both hard dongs.) Plus you get the sight of the two lube-slick penises sliding back and forth like reciprocating pistons inside the clear sleeve -- hot, hot, HOT!

Man, I can hardly wait to feel a buddy's dick in there with mine...

Spring and a young man's fancy

After a few false starts and a freakish late snowstorm last week, spring finally seems to have taken off its shoes and decided to stay here in New York City. For sentimental admirers of natural beauty, spring's arrival means yellow-green buds, cherry blossoms just weeks away, and of course the occasional nestling pigeon in a pathetic broken heap on the sidewalk after a rainstorm -- No, Poochy, NO -- That is not a snack! -- hey, Mother Nature is a mean-spirited bitch sometimes; what can you do?

But for the libidinous male, spring's arrival also means -- shorts! I only spotted one guy in shorts when I was walking the dog this morning, but as the weather gets warmer, there will be plenty more eye candy strolling the sidewalks of Brooklyn. For me, nothing beats a nice pair of sturdy, hairy male calves to get the imagination going. Besides the sheer visual pleasure, the sight of a hirsute guy in shorts inevitably triggers the sense memory of a j/o buddy's hairy leg flung over mine as we're masturbating side-by-side on the couch, every tingly hair a reminder of each other's masculinity.

Warm weekend mornings are ideal for legwatching -- you'll see men out walking their dogs or pushing strollers, fetchingly unshaven, and as the spring heads towards summer, more and more often they'll be in shorts, providing a tantalizing glimpse of hairy calf that invites the mind's eye higher -- how hairy are his thighs? And surely those furry legs must segue into a dense dark thicket of pubes framing the guy's penis and testicles. Opinions differ on the appeal of a fuzzy ass, but personally I love grabbing onto a pair of hairy cheeks as I'm pulling a buddy's crotch towards mine during a hot grinding frottage session...

UPDATE: As I was going through a Zip disc of j/o fodder that I've downloaded over the years, I found a series of candid-camera pics reminding me of a warm-weather sight that brings me even more ogling pleasure than hairy legs -- but it'll be a while longer yet before such basket-swelling specimens start showing up on the jogging path over in Prospect Park.